If you’ve been following my blog since the very beginning you may have read my post on Why I Love Everyone. In that post I said you’d live a happier existence if you did your best to understand and love everyone. I still stand by that.
Let’s be honest though, 99% of the world doesn’t live by that philosophy so if you’re an annoying brat you’re not going to get very far in life. If you’re constantly being a jerk, or leeching off other people nobody’s going to want to have anything to do with you.
I’ve got a few haters myself, but for the most part people consistently tell me I’m a really likable person. I used to be the annoying leech though so I’m going to share with you some reasons why people hate being around you, and what you can do to change.
You’re A Value Sucking Leech
Relationships are like phones. They go both ways. If you’re constantly hitting me up for favors, yet you magically disappear when I need one it’s no wonder we don’t get along. What kind of brothership is that?
Now here’s the key. There’s multiple ways to leech value. It’s not just asking me to loan you money or do you favors.
For example, let’s say your a socially clueless loser and I’m your only friend. If I bring you to parties it’s probably going to increase your rep, but lower my social status. If you can’t provide me with some type of value in return our relationship is going to be filled with tension and fizzle out.
I’m doing you a favor by letting my rep take a hit and getting you into parties so it’s only fair if you’re providing me with some type of value in return. Whether that’s in the form of tutoring me, giving me guitar lessons, or letting me use your pool on the weekends is irrelevant.
The point is, over the long haul we need to be exchanging relatively equal amounts of value in order for our relationship to thrive. Otherwise resentment is going to build up in whoever’s being leeched off of.
You’re A Helpless Suicidal Freak
Look, I have compassion for those who are depressed. Until the last couple years most of my life was spent being depressed. However, at some point you need to put up or shut up.
Make the decision to change or stop venting to me about your problems. Negativity is contagious, and people are emotional creatures. If someone constantly feels bad after talking to you they’re eventually going to stop chilling with you.
Obviously I’m no doctor and I can’t legally give medical advice, but if you feel helpless or depressed I’d recommend you read the ultimate guide to turning your life around and living your dreams.
If you’re so depressed you can’t spend 10 minutes reading a blog post, I’d recommend contacting a qualified professional and getting help immediately.
You’re A Selfish Jerk
Maybe you’re not a negative person, but if you’re the type of guy who takes two parking spots or uses your cell phone at the movies it’s no wonder nobody likes you.
The problem with being selfish is it’s only good for instant gratification. Life isn’t about material possessions, but if all you ever do is look out for yourself that’s all you’re ever going to have.
You’ll never develop fulfilling relationships if you’re not willing to do others favors and help them with their goals. You’ll also find that the scarcity based mindset of selfishness and seeing what you can take from others isn’t even the best way to maintain material wealth.
When you focus on the needs of others and what you can do to meet them you’ll quickly find your own needs getting met as well.
You’re A Braggart
Reaching your goals and accomplishing things is great. People may even have genuine happiness for you the first time you tell them about one of your accomplishments. However, when your constantly rubbing your wealth, or benchpress record in someone’s face it quickly becomes annoying.
When you find yourself constantly bragging to others it’s usually because you lack confidence, and are seeking their approval to comfort your ego and validate the things you’ve done.
Many people lack confidence, but fortunately if you’re committed there’s several ways to develop it. I’ve written a post about developing confidence in the past, but if you don’t have time to read it here are the three keys.
Do what you say you’re going to do, keep things 100% real, and stop putting up with bullshit excuses. If you follow those three principles you’ll quickly find yourself becoming a more confident person.
Above all, remember that people are never impressed by braggarts. Yes, it’s cool that you’ve accomplished things, but people will find your accomplishments a lot more impressive when you’re not shoving them down their throat.
You’re A Know It All
There’s nothing wrong with being intelligent, but like accomplishments, people won’t appreciate your advice if you’re trying to shove it down their throat. Even worse is the people who think they know it all almost never do. After all, the more you learn the less you know.
Excessive advice giving and attempting to force my beliefs on others is something I used to struggle with, but here’s something I realized. You can’t force someone to believe something and you shouldn’t be mad at them if they don’t.
If you had the exact same reference experiences as them you’d likely hold the exact same beliefs. What I’d recommend to you is to remember this. When the student is ready the teacher will appear, but the student won’t listen if the teacher tries to start class early.
You’re A Chatterbox
There’s nothing wrong with being social. The problem is talking to someone and never giving them a chance to speak isn’t a conversation. It’s a lecture. I think there’s two solutions to this problem.
Some people talk excessively because they lack social abundance. They try to milk each conversation simply because they’re trying to fulfill their need to socialize and they’re not sure when they’re going to get another chance to have someone listen to them. In this case the solution is simple. Simply go out and socialize more.
Other people simply don’t understand how social dynamics work or can’t read body language.
They don’t understand that when someone starts to become disinterested in what you have to say it’s usually a good time to give them a chance to talk.
I’ve always believed the best way to learn body language was to go out and get reference experiences, but if that hasn’t worked for you try reading this.
You’re A Thinker
Most people are socially conditioned zombies. When you tell them going to college isn’t necessary, or they hear you’re trying to get better with girls they’re going to think you’re crazy. Don’t worry about them though.
For the majority of our evolution living in packs and subscribing to group think was beneficial. ‘Fending for yourself in the jungle would have been extremely difficult solo so most people decided to form tribes as a means of protection.
The problem now is that we’re not living in the jungle anymore. Group think isn’t beneficial like it once was, but you have to be conscious of it to escape its grasp so most people don’t. Even if you don’t force your beliefs on them like the know it all might, nobody likes having their belief systems challenged so you’re going to take a lot of flack from them.
The solution? Surround yourself with other thinkers. If I shared most of the ideas on my blog with other high school kids it’d be way over their head and they’d probably think I was high.
Through this blog, however, I’ve found a group of people who can both understand and benefit from my ideas. I can’t stress enough the importance of finding someone who you can discuss your ideas with.
You’re A Liar
Lying is perhaps the quickest way to make someone hate you. Breaking your promises is bogus homey. I wouldn’t want to be your friend either.
Whether you said you’d do something you didn’t, or broke a promise is irrelevant. Lying destroys the trust you shared with another person and puts you in relationship bankruptcy.
Others may hate you for a long time after you lie to them, but it is possible to regain their trust. Simply commit to always telling the truth from this point forward. Easier said than done, but it’s the only way you’ll be able to rebuild your relationships.
You’re A Success
Although most people will love you because they feel inspired by your success, some people will hate you for it, and there’s nothing you can do. The moment you begin improving your life you’re going to begin attracting haters.
Lots of people don’t like it when others do big things because it makes them feel bad about themselves. Don’t worry about them though. It’s nothing personal. The only reason they hate you is because you’re willing to take action in the face of fear, something they’re not.
You’re A Hater
If you’re not the successful person you likely fall under this category. You’re the type of person who always has to immediately discredit the things others do and talk about the things you could do, well if you really wanted to that is…
The biggest problem with being a hater is it doesn’t just hurt your relationships, it also hurts you. When you’re constantly ripping on successful people, it’ll cause a negative association in your brain and you’ll subconsciously block yourself from ever becoming one of those successful people.
What I’d recommend to you is practice appreciating other people’s accomplishments rather than trying to tear them down. You’ll feel more positive, and increase your own chances of becoming successful one day.
Are you one of the people discussed above? And if so, what are you going to do about it?
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