The world is more prosperous than it’s ever been. There is less extreme poverty, fewer deaths from battles, and less people living under tyrannical governments than ever before.
Check out a website called Our World In Data if you’d like to see some really cool graphs depicting how human society has progressed over the last hundred years in a number of important measurements.
Of course, despite the progress we’re making as a global society, the world still has many problems.
But this is obvious. Everyone knows everything that’s wrong with the world.
Why then are people so surprised when they discover that the world is actually a safer, more hospitable place for humans than ever before? The answer is quite simple.
We don’t focus on the good things.
Or simply put, the world has too many people who complain about too many things. Before we get deeper into this topic, let’s give a quick definition of complaining. Here’s a good one from the online Merriam-Webster dictionary:
Complaint — “An expression of grief, pain, or dissatisfaction.”
I like that definition. Put another way, to complain is to say that things aren’t good enough as they already are.
This definition of complaining is good, but it’s not quite complete. Read this quote about complaining from Eckhart Tolle for a deeper understanding of what it means to complain.
The Best Complaining Quote
“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”
Pretty insightful huh? This stop complaining quote is awesome in that it’s actually practical. Eckhart Tolle actually gives you an action step rather than simply telling you to be more positive.
In this quote about complaining, Tolle tells you that complaining isn’t just bad because it puts you into a negative state, complaining is also illogical.
In any situation you always have the opportunity to either accept the cards you’re dealt, or get another hand of cards for yourself. Here’s another awesome quote on complaining from Tolle.
“Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. And to refrain from complaining doesn’t necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There is no ego in telling the waiter that your soup is cold and needs to be heated up – if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. “How dare you serve me cold soup…” That’s complaining.”
These quotes Tolle has about complaining are truly brilliant. Of course, some people thinks Tolle is too poetic and they feel tired reading anything he writes.
Let’s make it blunt.
Complaining puts you into a negative mood or state of mind. Complaining makes you powerless. To complain about something is to make yourself unaccountable for it. Yet, if you’re not responsible for something, it’s impossible to change it.
Instead of complaining, actively work to change your situation. Don’t complain about the rain pouring down on to your head. Simply get out of the rain (or pollution).
Getting out of the rain isn’t negative, you’re just making a change to put yourself into a more favorable situation. That’s a good thing!
If you’re not able to change the situation. Accept it. You cannot always change the way the universe or other people behave. Fortunately, you can control the way you think about things.
Examples on How to Stop Complaining
Heartbroken? — Don’t complain about being broken-hearted. Analyze why your previous relationship failed. Promise yourself you’ll fix those mistakes in the future.
Whether it was choosing the wrong partner, being too needy, or letting yourself go physically, all of those are well within your control.
Plus, by accepting these factors and committing to change, you may even find yourself feeling more hopeful than ever at your ability to attract a suitable mate in the future!
You didn’t do anything wrong? Accept that your situation is less than ideal. Accept that you are sad for the moment. Accept that there is nothing wrong with being sad about your situation.
Realize that by accepting the reality of your situation, you can actually process things and get on with your life waaaaaay faster than if you’d continued complaining.
To complain about your situation is to perpetuate it. Not always externally, but at least in your mind.
If you allow a negative state to draw you into complaining, you’ll continually re-enter that negative state until you’re able to break the habit of complaining.
Overweight? — Don’t complain about being overweight. Apart from some pretty rare diseases, your weight is a factor that’s almost entirely under your control.
Whether you have man boobs, or you’re a chubby lady that just can’t get her confidence on for those Instagram photos, accept where you’re at now.
Consult with a professional and read books to learn about nutrition, eating healthier foods, and exercising. Don’t pity yourself, or complain about the undesirability of your body.
Instead, appreciate that your negligence in taking care of your body hasn’t fatally harmed you yet. Appreciate that you have a chance to be an inspiration for your family and friends.
Appreciate the small progress you make each day on the way to your goal. While you can acknowledge that you made poor lifestyle choices in the past, to continually beat yourself up over those choices does you no good.
The only logical thing to do is learn from them, and commit to doing better in the future.
Beating yourself up over the past is a waste of time, will lead to you having low self-esteem, and the resulting “icky” negative feelings you experience may even lead to you downing yet another tub of ice cream!
In short, don’t do it. Stop complaining, and not only will you be happier, but you’ll also be in a far more resourceful state to change your situation.
The Biggest Problem With Complaining
Read these next few paragraphs slowly. They are dense, but they are important. If you can internalize what I am about to say, your life will change instantly.
Here we go.
The biggest problem with complaining is that it puts your focus on what you don’t want.
Again…
The biggest problem with complaining is that it puts your focus on what you don’t want.
If you want to manifest a fulfilling life, you need to focus on the things you do want.
There is no need to discuss this point any further. Re-read those last few sentences. Burn this concept into your head.
Focus on what you want.
Focus on what you want.
Focus on what you want.
4 Reasons Why People Complain
With everything we’ve discussed thus far, it may seem strange that people are so eager to complain.
You are probably wondering if complaining is so bad, why do people complain so much? The answer to why people complain isn’t that they’re just plain stupid.
There are many reasons people complain. Below we’ll discuss some of the most common reasons the next party you attend is more likely to be a complaint fest than an appreciation session.
#1 Reason People Complain — Attention
People love attention. Unfortunately, complaining is an excellent way to get attention. Though many will find this offensive, the reality is that the vast majority of people simply are not excelling in life.
If you are not living a life of abundance where you are effortlessly showered with attention, your brain may get the idea that the best way to meet its demand for attention is to guilt others into giving you attention.
#2 Reason People Complain — Inspire Envy
As a child, you were probably taught that it’s not good to brag. You’ve no doubt seen “someone” try to share their accomplishments with a group only for other members of the group to roll their eyes or tell “them” to stop bragging.
Well… human beings are smart you know.
Oh, you sat down in business class on a flight to Monaco only to be annoyed when these noisy children came and sat in business class?
“Yes… children in business class are a real pain (How did he get money to fly business class to Monaco)?”
This example is fairly obvious, but often complaining is a way to brag without bragging. It can be subtle, but you’ll see this type of complaining a lot now that you’re aware of it.
#3 Reason People Complain — Storytelling
This reason people like complaining relates to the previous two reasons. Most people are not wandering the world in a state of bliss and awe. Most people are not internally fulfilled.
For that reason, complaining is an easier way to connect with the average person. People resonate with the state that they are currently in.
If someone is working a job they don’t like and in an unfulfilling relationship, the fastest way to bond with them is to agree with their problems and contribute a few complaints yourself.
#4 Reason People Complain — Removing Accountability
People often complain to draw attention away from their inadequacy. It will never be easy for you to swallow your pride and confess that you just performed poorly at something.
It’s soooooo much easier to claim that the poor performance is a result of your conditions. I missed the shot because the ref didn’t call a foul. I failed because my computer was just too slow.
If not your conditions, it’s easy to complain about the task itself. My kids were obnoxious at the store because it’s impossible to control children! I couldn’t do it because it is impossible!
While it is possible that your conditions or the impossible nature of your task led to you failing, more often than not the complaint is simply an excuse to remove accountability from yourself.
How to Deal With Complaining
How you can you deal with people complaining? The solution is simple. Stop spending the majority of your time with negative people that have a habit of complaining.
If you hang out with the successful entrepreneurs living a life on their own terms, or even just regular people that are content and living their best lives, the quantity of complaints you’ll have to deal with will go down.
Your peers encourage or discourage complaints. If you’re spending time around negative people or people that have a habit of complaining, it’s going to bring you and your mood down.
As a product of your environment, you’re also more likely than not going to complain as well.
If you’re hanging out with people that are completely fulfilled or have simply curbed their complaining habit, you’ll find that you naturally tend to stop complaining as well.
If you have really good friends, you’ll even give each other funny looks when you hear people complain because it’s so far out of your realities that you just can’t relate with complaining anymore 😉
Like I said, it’s not always simple for you to change who you spend time with. If you’re boss or colleagues are negative people it can be difficult to avoid them and their complaints.
Just remember Eckhart Tolle’s golden rule about complaining.
Accept what it, or do the things that need to be done to change your situation.
If you need to find a new job or build your own business to better surround yourself with people that don’t complain, do so.
It may take a while to fully transition, but the thought of your future will keep you hopeful and to a large extent, act as armor against your colleagues complaints.
Having moved from working a dead-end job at Dairy Queen a few years back, to today working independently with clients that respect me and treat me well, I can assure you it is 100% worth it 🙂