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Everyone hates me. Do you feel like that? Do you ever wonder, “Why do I have no friends?”
While you may feel like you’re alone, there are actually many people that feel this way. Why does everyone hate me? It’s a very common thought.
But it’s not a fun one.
There are always going to be people that hate you. Have you ever heard of a president having a 100% percent approval rate?
Of course not.
That would be absurd.
Imagine… A poll says 100% of Americans believe Donald Trump ___________. You can finish the sentence, however you’d like.
Any way you put it, you’d never buy that 100% of people believed something about Donald Trump. Or anyone for that matter.
Think Everyone Hates You? Here’s the Truth…
You’re always going to have haters. No matter what you do, it’s impossible to make yourself liked by everyone. Here’s a good rule of thumb.
There will always be about one-third of people that hate you, a third of people that love you, and a third of people that don’t give a F%$# about you.
Your job isn’t to focus on crying over the fact that, “Everyone hates me.”
That’s a waste of time, and it’s not the truth.
It only seems that way because you allow yourself to focus on those people.
The truth is that there are tons of people out there that like you.
At the very least, there are millions of people out there that would love to be your friend…
If you disagree, keep reading.
3 Reasons Everyone Hates You
Look, it’s 100% false that everyone hates you. I only used that headline so that this post would show up on the first page of Google and I could have the opportunity to tell you the truth.
Let’s be honest…
There is NO way everyone hates you. But… to be fair, you may be behaving in a way that pushes people away from you. What do I mean by that?
It’s simple.
Everyone does some pretty annoying stuff. Sometimes my girlfriend chews with her mouth open. Sometimes I am impatient if I’m stressed. Maybe you’re needy in your relationships or you just always say depressing stuff that pushes people away.
I don’t know. What, I do know is that everybody has some bad habits.
There are probably countless things that you’re doing to push people away from you. I’m not judging you for that. I’m not perfect either.
Really though, the more we can minimize our bad behaviors, the better off we’ll be.
For that reason, I’m going to share some ideas with you today.
These ideas are very important.
Today we’re going to talk about some of the most common mistakes you’re probably making if you think that everyone hates you.
Oh, and by the way…
I’m not judging you.
5-6 years ago, I wondered the same thing… “Why don’t I have any friends?”
Here are the truths that nobody else is willing to share with you…
The true reasons everyone hates you!
#1 You Are a Complainer
Complaining is so attractive… Said no one ever!
Seriously, complaining is one of the worst habits you could possibly have. Here’s why:
— Complaining puts you into a negative state
— Complaining makes it impossible to accept responsibility for and change your situation.
— People find it exhausting to be around someone that is always complaining.
What’s the solution? It’s very simple…
Stop complaining!
Not so easy? Here’s an idea. Try a positivity challenge.
Wear a bracelet, or rubber band. Anytime you catch yourself thinking some negative… snaaaaaaap!
By repeatedly snapping yourself with a rubber band, you’ll condition your brain to associate complaining with pain.
Over time, you’ll complain less.
When that happens, people will be more excited to hang out with you!
#2 You’re a Taker
Here’s a test. A rich man and a poor man go to lunch. Who should pay?
EVERYONE gets this wrong.
If you said the successful man should pay, you’re wrong. HERE’S WHY.
In any relationship there’s always an element of giving and taking. Your girlfriend kisses and comforts you after a long day of work, you take her to the movies.
Your mom and dad take care of you when you’re young, you make them proud and give them something to brag about with their friends.
Most relationships are largely transactional.
It sounds bad to say, but it’s the TRUTH. Want proof?
How do you feel about the guy that always goes to the bar, but never pays his fair share? The first time you’re understanding when he says he forgot his wallet.
When he’s asking you to pay every week, however, eventually you get sick of it.
“Why don’t you pay for your own drinks?”
Sure, there are exceptions. If that guy is getting you into exclusive clubs, maybe it’s fair if you pay for his drinks. If he pays for lunch everyday at work, you’re cool with covering the drinks. It’s a fair exchange.
When it’s always you giving the value, however, eventually you resent the other person. Eventually, you realize that the time you spend with that person isn’t worth it.
And you become hostile towards them, or at least do your best to avoid them.
When the poor guy and the rich guy go to lunch, who is more likely to learn something?
It’s obviously the poor guy.
If he was the knowledgable one, he would already be successful!
Of course, there are exceptions. Maybe the poor guy is a struggling comedian, but he makes the rich guy laugh or introduces him to new girls every week.
In that case, the rich guy probably doesn’t care about spending those few dollars on lunch. The poor guy is offering more than enough value in other ways.
You get the idea.
If you get the vibe people don’t want to be your friend, there’s a good change you tend to take more than you give in your relationships.
This is especially true if people are happy to meet you two or three times but rarely want to see you after that.
#3 You Can’t Read Basic Social Cues
Being able to understand others is important. Relationships are emotional. We like to hang out with other people because of how they make us feel.
Unfortunately, if you struggle reading social cues you’re going to have a hard time making others feel good about themselves.
This is exactly what you don’t want.
There’s a saying by Maya Angelou…
It goes something like this,
“…People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
This is true. 100%.
It’s almost impossible for everyone to hate you, if every time they see you they enjoy themselves.
If you’re the most fun person in your school or city, do you really think you’re going to worry about not having friends?
Of course not!
While being the life of the party is an option, it’s not necessary.
You just need to make other people feel good when they are around you. When you see someone’s eyes start to glaze over during your story…
Immediately cut the story short.
You can even say, “Hey, I realized what I’m talking about isn’t that interesting. Let’s talk about you. Tell me about what’s going on in your life.”
You’ll instantly see them drawn back into the conversation.
Here’s the most important thing.
You always need to be conscious about how you’re making the other person feel. When you are aware of what the other person is feeling, you can calibrate your actions to make them feel better.
Remember…
If people feel good whenever they’re with you, they will love you for it.
P.S. If your socials skills need some work, read this book from my friend Tynan. It is THE best book out there for learning the social skills you need to be a likable person.
If you purchase it (or the book I recommend later) through one of my links, I’ll get a small commission at NO extra cost to you. Help a neighborhood blogger out. Big ‘ole Amazon doesn’t need those 45 extra cents 😉
Moving onward…
People Don’t Hate Me… I Just Don’t Have Friends
So, maybe you couldn’t relate with the stuff above. Maybe you get along with coworkers or acquaintances well enough, you just don’t have many people you’d invite to your birthday party.
Fair enough. You want more friends? Here is one strategy you can use to instantly boost your social life.
Go Out More
It sounds almost too simple to work. Really? Go out more? That’s the best advice you got?
Hey, just because it’s simple doesn’t mean that it won’t work for you. It doesn’t matter how long you sit around at home feeling sorry for yourself because, “I don’t have any friends.”
Nobody ever built a social circle sitting home alone.
I can tell you from traveling the world that the best way to meet people is to get out of the house and do stuff.
It doesn’t matter what. Anytime you go out you’re giving yourself a chance to meet new potential friends.
Of course, if you want the people you meet to have a better chance at being compatible with you, it’d make sense to participate in activities that interest you.
Here are some ideas for activities or things you can do to get out of the house:
— Join a gym.
— Join a sports team.
— Join a coworking space.
— Read books at coffee shops instead of at home.
— Walk around your neighborhood.
— Watch that sports game at the bar instead of in your basement.
— Go eat dinner at a restaurant instead of ordering delivery.
If you’re getting out of the house everyday, you’re going to meet people. Just like advertising and sales, meeting new friends is a numbers game.
You’re NOT going to become friends with everyone you meet.
That’s a good thing! If you did, most of your friends would be people that share no common interests with you!
Maybe 1 out of every 20 people has the potential to become a friend of yours. Maybe more, maybe less. The specifics aren’t important.
The important thing is meeting enough people so that you can WIN the numbers game!
Of course, here’s a quick point to add. The more proactive you are in starting conversations, the more people you’ll meet.
If you go out everyday passively waiting for people to start conversations with you…
You may be waiting for a while. You can meet a few people as a fly on the wall, but if you’re serious about making friends… you know what to do.
Long-Term Thinking
Going out a lot will help you win the numbers game of meeting great friends. Can you imagine introducing yourself to 1,000, or even just 100 people without making a single friend?
Of course, there are two ways to increase your “sales” or the number of great friends you find. The first is the idea we already discussed. Meeting lots of people. The 2nd?
Increasing your conversion rate.
What if instead of 1 in 300 people wanting to be your friend (unlikely no matter how unlikable you think you are), 1 in 3 people would be happy to be your friend?
This changes the math — FAST.
But… how can you so dramatically change the way people react to your introductions?
It’s easy.
You just become a more valuable person. It’s no different from being an employee. When you’re an employee you work hard to develop skills that make you more attractive to employers. The same concept applies for friendships.
Over time, there are a number of things you can do to make yourself a better potential friend. You can:
— Improve your listening skills.
— Learn a new language (more possible people to communicate with).
— Improve your ability to read social cues.
— Learn the art of story telling.
— Kill your complaining habit.
— Travel the world or read lots of books to learn interesting things to talk about.
Do all of these things, and no matter your starting point…
In the future, there’s a good chance your problem will be having too many friends. 🙂