Today’s blog post was inspired by a comment I recently received from a reader named Pavlos. He goes on to say, “Your blog is excellent. I really found help in it! And yes…all this is true but what should I do when noone has free time because of studying and I don’t have any type of support? When I have to solve all the problems and situations by myself? What should I do then? I live in a place where everyone goes to many activities and very rarely finds some free time…”
First of all Pavlos I’m glad you’ve found my blog to be a useful resource. That’s always an encouraging thing to hear. 🙂 Moving onward to your situation, it appears there’s two main questions here.
1. Is it possible to manage one’s own emotions, and produce the results one would like without outside support?
2. If not, how should one go about establishing a positive support system?
Although an entire book could be written on this topic I’ll do my best to cover the main points within the scope of this blog post.
(#1) Self-reliance is a desirable trait and something you should aim to cultivate. No doubt about it. With that being said, you can’t come close to meeting your potential without the help of others.
There’s a reason solitary confinement is considered one of the cruelest punishments. Humans aren’t independent islands. We’re social creatures. We’re meant to interact with each other.
This doesn’t mean you need to become the most popular kid at your school. Under ideal circumstances you’d have a few close friends or family members that you share a loving relationship with, and that will support you on your journey towards whatever you define as success.
Bare minimum, however, you need acquaintances and regular social contact to prevent yourself from going completely insane.
On the career side it’s certainly possible to be successful based solely on the merits of your skills, but you’re much more likely to receive opportunities if you have acquaintances that can provide you with connections.
Also keep in mind that having people you care about and enjoy spending time with can provide with you with motivation to take action, as well as provide a work-life balance that prevents you from burning out.
(#2.) Two main pieces of advice here. First I’d encourage you to realize that it’s a mistake to passively wait for others to befriend you. If you’re lacking social connections it’s up to you to proactively go out and establish them.
You did this on a small-scale by leaving a comment and reaching out to me and the community here. That’s a great first step, but online connections don’t carry the same substance as those made in the real-world. Making connections offline may be more intimidating to you, but those connections will in most cases be far more valuable.
The other piece of advice I’d like to offer is that you need to give as you’d like to receive. The world is your mirror. If others are responding negatively to you it’s because you’re putting off an undesirable vibe or because you’re talking to the wrong people. Over time do your best to consciously weed out your unappealing behaviors, and also aim to put yourself into more social situations.
You say that you live in a place where others are always going to activities. Why not join some of these activities yourself? You didn’t mention what you enjoy doing, but even if the activities themselves aren’t particularly appealing they still provide a good opportunity to meet other people.
If necessary you can quit the activities after you’ve established social connections from them, but even if these gatherings initially appear dull you’re sure to enjoy at least a few of things you try!
Finally, if you have friends or even mere acquaintances ask them if they’d introduce you to their other friends. You don’t want to manipulate people or use them merely as stepping stones, but at the same time realize that every fat girl has a hot friend, and most guys will have a friend who shares some of your interests.
Understand that finding people you truly mesh with can be a lengthy process. You’re going to have to soldier your way through countless conversations, and social events. At times you’ll feel nobody can relate to you, and that there’s no where you belong. In the end, however, you’ll eventually establish fulfilling relationships and see that spending time with people you’re truly compatible with is one of the greatest pleasures this world has to offer.
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