Ever have the experience of meeting someone, and within five minutes they’ve already decided they want nothing to do with you? Ummm yeeahh... me neither ;) Seriously though, I think there’s a few reasons this happens, and I’ll lay them out for you in this post.
You’re Socially Uncalibrated (You Put Off Bad Vibes)
There’s a kid in one of my classes, and I don’t even know his name, but he’s one of the weirdest people I’ve ever met. There’ll be a group of us talking, and he’ll interrupt our conversation to ask if McDonald’s is pronounced Mick-Don-Alds, or Mack-Don-Alds.
I don’t think he’s gay, but he reminds of a newbie pickup artist trying out his opinion openers. The sad thing is his that some of his lines aren’t too bad. Sometimes the things he says actually make sense, or would be funny if he didn’t have such a creepy vibe. That’s the problem.
When socializing it’s not so much about what you say, it’s how you say it. We’ve all had jokes that seemed brilliant in our heads fall flat, and things that came to us in the moment that caused the whole room to explode in laughter.
A lot of people get caught up in what they’re going to say when socializing. In reality it just doesn’t matter, and by thinking of what to say you’re actually decreasing the quality of banter you’re capable of producing.
You can tell from this kid’s vibe he clearly has an agenda. He probably wants to leech positive emotions, validation, or social-proof off us. I couldn’t tell you exactly what, but it’s clear he’s trying to extract something from us rather than just vibe and enjoy the process of socializing. The result? Nice people like me get creeped out, and the rest of people just tell him to fuck off, and get lost.
Harsh? Perhaps. Justified? Yes, and I know that sounds bad as he’s in a self-perpetuating cycle. Be creepy, get excluded, need more validation, and develop even creepier behaviors. Bad social behaviors get punished though, and when the pain becomes too great he’ll have no choice, but to pull himself out of it.
You Haven’t Produced Results Or Are Ungrounded
Socializing is one area people may not give you a chance, but what’s another? Your advice, and ideas.
Over the last couple years I’ve focused heavily on my personal growth, and at times reached out to others offering to help them with theirs. Some were ecstatic to receive my help, and others weren’t so receptive, but I noticed a common denominator.
People look at two things to determine whether or not your advice is worth taking. How grounded you are in your belief, and the level of results you’ve produced with that belief.
The first is the result of mirror neurons and social pinging; group think at it’s most basic level. We don’t have time to personally investigate everything ourselves, so if other people seem reasonably certain about something we tend to buy-in to it as well.
The level of results you’ve produced with your belief is also important because it’s only common sense to assume that if someone adopts the same philosophy or strategy as you they’ll produce similar results.
This is why people who read lots of self-improvement content without taking action can have an intellectual understanding of the principles necessary to produce success, but at the same time lack the ability to get others to buy-in to them.
It’s Not You, It’s Them
Some people won’t be open to your advice or experiencing your reality regardless of what you do. They may be close-minded, have a stacking of rationalizations that prevent them from listening to you, or simply have a success barrier blocking them off.
There’s nothing you can do about these people, but remember, and I know we're going out on a limb here, but "theoretically speaking," other people could be right once in a while as well. ;)
Using the other tips provided here, however, should greatly increase your ability to interact with people who are open to working with you.