Whether it’s giving a speech, performing on stage, or even just socializing with friends, people are always seeking approval.They want to feel accepted and feel as if they’re a part of the group. If you’ve ever studied evolutionary psychology, you’d know that this likely dates back to our time hunting and gathering in tribes.
Of course, while it’s great to belong to groups, you shouldn’t need to be inauthentic or falsify yourself to become part of a community. When someone eats lunch with you and they try to show off or be “cool,” you’re actually less likely to accept them. Why? Because you unconsciously believe that if they had genuine value to bring to the relationship that they wouldn’t need to present themselves as something they aren’t.
The same applies for dating. Women like guys that are comfortable with themselves. When you try to hard to make a girl like you, when you bend your behavior to try to seek a positive response out of her, she’s actually less likely to want to be with you. After all, If you were in abundance and didn’t need her, there would be no reason for you to have to impress her.
In short, when you seek someone’s approval, you’ll almost never get it. Thus, trying to get someone’s approval is a waste of time. Having to manage someone else’s image of you is also energetically draining — am I living up to their standards? Do they like me? How can I manipulate them into having a more positive opinion of me?
In the end, all that energy is wasted because they would’ve liked you better if you’d simply said, “This is who I am. This is the genuine me. Take it or leave it.”