Being Alone Without Being Lonely

Last year on Valentine’s Day I was really down. For the second year in a row I was single. I was alone, and I was lonely. I think a lot of people without significant others feel this way on Valentine’s Day.

What people often forget, however, is that Valentine’s Day is basically a highlight reel of what it’s like to be in a relationship. I’m not trying to downplay the awesomeness of relationships by any means, but it’s important to remember that most relationships aren’t like that everyday.

This year, I was again single, but I didn’t feel bad about it. Over the last year I’ve realized that positive emotions are self-generated.

If you’re not happy being single, getting a girlfriend isn’t going to make you happy. Even if it does, it won’t be sustainable as your clinginess to the girl as a source of positive emotions will chase her away.

Relationships don’t necessarily make people happy or sad. They merely amplify your baseline emotional state. If you’re not yet capable of regulating your own emotions it’s generally not a good idea to enter a romantic relationship both for your sake, and the girl’s.

I won’t go into massive detail here, as becoming the type of person you can be happy with is covered elsewhere on my blog, but a few things to look into are diet, exercise, meditation, acceptance/gratefulness exercises, hobbies, fulfilling work, and a circle of friends you enjoy being with, and who will aid you on your journey to being the very best you can be.

If you can’t be happy being single, it’s unlikely you’ll attract a high quality women, and even more unlikely you’ll be able to keep them. The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer.

If you want to stop being alone you must first learn how to stop being lonely. Once you construct an ecosystem of positive emotions, and no longer need a woman for happiness, you’ll find they begin entering your life in abundance.

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