Why You Should Date Many Girls Before Committing to One

Like many young romantics, I always had the belief that I was going to marry the first girl I kissed or the first girl I had sex with. That of course didn’t happen, but why do a lot of young guys want that?

I believe it’s because many men that are inexperienced with women feel they’ve gotten lucky when they finally land a solid girl. When you finally get a girl you believe could be a halfway decent partner it’s easy to cling to here as a guy without much dating experience.

The most common reason being that you’re not confident you’d have the ability to replace her. Or, at least replace her in a reasonable amount of time. Another possibility is that you’re clinging to the (mostly) Hollywood fantasy of high school sweethearts, and you’re willing to stay with an inferior girl just because you believe she’s somehow inherently better for being the first girl to date you.

Finally, you may believe that you’re capable of replacing your girlfriend, but that you just don’t want be single again. That’s understandable. Going out to the bars, or swiping on Tinder, or however you meet girls is fun at first but can get old after a while. It can also be scary, especially for a guy that hasn’t yet been desensitized to the fear of rejection.

All of these reasons to prolong a relationship with a girl lessen over time as you acquire more experience with women. After you’ve been with a handful or perhaps dozen of girls (depending on the guy), you’ll realize that you can get another girl if the first one starts treating you poorly.

You’ll also realize that while you may have a soft spot for the first relationship of your life, you’d much rather have a higher quality girl rather than just the first girl that would tolerate being in a relationship with you.

Of course, these are just the reasons inexperienced guys often stay in a relationship longer than they should. More important, however, is understanding why you shouldn’t do this. That way, you can avoid getting stuck in a relationship that’s not going to make you happy or give you the ability to reach your potential.

Basically, the two reasons getting in a relationship before dating lots of girls is a bad idea are as follows:

  1. You won’t know exactly what you want in a girlfriend.

This is pretty self-explanatory. You need to date a crazy girl to know that while she’s fun, she might not be the best partner to raise your children or support you in building a successful business or career.

Likewise, dating a career-oriented woman may feel too competitive to you. Or, maybe you’ll like always having someone to talk about business with and push you to grow. However, you won’t know exactly what girl is right for you until you’ve sampled a lot of flavors.

The big problem is that everybody tends to fall hard for their first girlfriend. They make her into some perfect butterfly and magically overlook all of her flaws. Unfortunately, overlooking those flaws doesn’t make them go away.

Often your infatuation will hide the fact that while you two are a decent match, you do have fundamental incompatibilities that would prevent you from being together long-term. However, as you get older and have more dating experience you’ll be able to have a more objective experience in evaluating your level of compatibility with a woman.

2. You Won’t Know How to Structure the Relationship

There was a lot of things I did wrong in my first relationship. I wasn’t sexual enough, I was overly frugal, and I allowed myself to become emotionally dependent on the girl a bit too often. I’m better at managing all of those aspects of a relationship now. Likewise, you’ll do lots of things wrong in your first relationship too.

Fortunately, as you gain experience with women, read about evolutionary psychology, and grow older, you’ll gain a much better understanding of woman. You’ll better understand how to relate to them, but also how to structure your relationship with them.

You won’t be scared of losing any specific girl, and for that reason you won’t be afraid to set boundaries with your girl. You won’t let her walk all over you and she’ll love you for that.

Conclusion

While marrying and being together forever with the first girl you kiss or marry is possible, I wouldn’t be too concerned about trying to engineer your life to guarantee that outcome. There’s just too many variables to try to control. Plus, there’s so many advantages to dating 3, 5, 10, or even 20 girls before you choose the one you’re going to be with long-term.

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Picture is of the romantic hangout of young couples in Saigon, Turtle Lake. This is my last girl post for a long time. 2015 and 2016 were big dating years for me, and thus my mind is still in a bit of a dating and getting girls space.

Maybe I’ll get back to the girl stuff again one day, but for the coming months I’ll be talking a lot more about travel, personal development, personal branding/social media, and possibly coworking spaces.

Btw, I’m becoming a lot more active on social media these days. Please be sure to follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. Tweet me @camchardukian on Twitter or send me a DM on Instagram to request new blog posts or just say hi! 

 

Your Dreams Must Come Before Your Girl(s)

Women love powerful men. However, even more than that, women love having power over their man. At least they believe this on a subconscious level. More often, the reality is that a women will begin to resent you once she’s tied your balls in a knot. If a women believes you’re living your life in reaction to her, she’s not going to respect you.

This doesn’t mean you can’t be supportive of your woman and love her. Rather, it simply means that as a man you have to have a mission for yourself. You need to have a direction you’re going and invite her on that journey with you. Of course, your woman can have her own goals too. That’s healthy. You can encourage your girl to lose weight, or learn a new language, or develop skills for her career.

The problem is when you place your girlfriend’s needs above your own because you’re afraid of losing her. Cheering your girlfriend on to go to the gym or spend 30 minutes reading books every night is an awesome way to be supportive in a healthy relationship.

Sacrificing your own goals and dreams for your girlfriend because you’re scared she’ll leave you otherwise, however, is exactly what you don’t want to be doing. I’ll give an example from my own life. I’ve recently become financially stable as a freelance writer. Because of this increased financial stability, I’ll spend some time this year traveling away from Vietnam and exploring the rest of Southeast Asia.

Maybe I’ll stay in Chiang Mai, Thailand or Bali, Indonesia for a few months. Maybe I’ll travel indefinitely. I’m not quite sure yet, but I’ve invited my girlfriend to come with. However, I understand that long distance relationships don’t work. That’s why when inviting her I explained that she doesn’t have to come with on this adventure, but that we couldn’t be together if she stayed in Vietnam.

Is that mean? What if she wanted to stay in Vietnam? While this is an incredible opportunity for her to see the world, she’ll have to spend a lot of time away from her family and friends to do so. Plus, she’ll have to put any “real” job in Vietnam on hold to travel with me, learn new skills and support my business.

I hope she comes with, and I think joining me on this journey would be an awesome choice for her life. However, I’ve clearly put a breakup on the table, and doing that required me not to be afraid to lose my girl. Yet in the end, I know one thing.

If a man doesn’t follow his dreams because of a woman, he will usually come to resent that woman. More than that, the woman will resent him. She’ll see that he didn’t go after what he really wanted in life because he was too afraid to lose her. That’s why you can never be afraid of breaking up with a girl.

If you place her before your dreams, you’ll lose your dreams. Plus, you’ll usually lose your girl too. At the very least you’ll lose her respect, and a relationship without that isn’t worth it anyway.

On the other hand, if you follow your dreams… that’s where all the potential in the world is. Your old girl will come along for the ride if it was meant to be. If she doesn’t, it’s irrelevant. It doesn’t matter.

You’ll have your dreams, which were the most important thing for you. Ironically, you’ll still get girls in the end on this path because you’ll be fulfilled and content with your life. That my friends, is what draws the girls in.

Should You Visit Vung Tau, Vietnam?

Hey guys, today I’m coming at you from Vung Tau, Vietnam. I’m staying here on a short overnight trip from Ho Chi Minh City, and what I want to talk to you about in today’s blog post is whether you should visit Vung Tau.

Now for some background information if you don’t know much about Vung Tau… Vung Tau is a beach town with a population just over 300,000. Because this city is just two hours or so by bus from Ho Chi Minh City, it’s a popular weekend getaway for those living in Saigon. Let’s face it, living in a huge metropolis can get tiring after a while.

Sometimes it’s good to lounge on the beach and get away from all the chaos for a day or two. It’s a refreshing contrast if you’ve been living in the big city. For that reason, I recommend visiting Vung Tau if you’ve been living in Saigon.

There’s enough to do here for a solid weekend getaway. There’s a beach, excellent seafood, and even dog races. Plus, it’s easy for you to get here. Visiting Vung Tau doesn’t require you to purchase a plane ticket or take a long overnight bus ride to a faraway city.

On the other hand, Vung Tau needn’t be a priority for you to visit if you’re just a tourist passing through Asia. There’s many superior beach locations in this region of the world. Da Nang, Nha Trang, and Mui Ne are all better options for some beach time without even having to leave Vietnam. Thailand and the Philippines are also options if you’d like even better beaches.

In short, definitely try to make it to Vung Tau if you’ve been living in Saigon. If you’re just a tourist though, I probably wouldn’t bother making the trip. The beach is decent, but it’ll feel underwhelming if you traveled halfway across the world to see it.