I’ve got a crazy idea for you today. Consider with an open mind, that in life, everyone gets exactly what they want.
Obviously you could pick this argument apart pretty easily by pointing out people who were born into a country in the midst of a violent civil war, or children who are being neglected, and abused by their parents, but consider using this idea simply as a self-empowering view of the world.
Seriously, close your eyes and meditate on this. In life everyone gets exactly what they want.
Everyone has a fragmented intent in that part of them wants to minimize exertion, part wants to challenge themselves, part wants to avoid fears, and another wants to overcome them, but whatever their intent is strongest in is what they’ll manifest.
If someone considers their body more important than their taste buds they’ll choose a salad over fried chicken. If someone sees a beautiful girl they’ll either approach her because they see the potential upside, or avoid eye contact and walk away because they’re afraid of rejection.
For better or worse, whatever someone wants the most is probably what they’ll get. If you’re not attaining success in your life there’s a good chance you don’t want it. Of course, this sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? Cameron how are you going to tell me I don’t want to be successful?
My answer? The proof lies in your actions not in your words. If success is what you most wanted you’d be taking the actions necessary to obtain it. You may very well want success, but if you’d rather avoid the increased responsibility, transcendence of success barriers, and facing of your fears you’re not going to create a successful life.
Of course success is rarely an instantaneous process, and that’s a huge leverage point you can use to catapult from.
If you’re socially awkward and your success barriers prevent you from entering a relationship with a beautiful, bad-ass girl that doesn’t mean you’re destined to marry a warlock woman or become a cat man.
Although your pain vs pleasure response, or motivational seesaw is currently tilted in a way that would make it impossible for you to attract your ideal woman you may have (or will likely be able to cultivate) the motivation necessary to gradually desensitize yourself to your fears, over time by dating less attractive woman. And if not, you’ll still get what you want by running away from your fears. 😉
If part of you wants to make a change in your life, but because of your fragmented intent you lack significant motivation to do so I recommend very slowly introducing the change as a new habit.
If you’re a socially awkward house hermit that wants to meet girls, but you’re paralyzed by fear or success barriers, make the decision to rig your criteria to ensure success. Don’t make it any harder on yourself than it needs to be.
In the beginning you can make your only criteria of success that you put on your shoes and walk out of the house each night. You don’t need to do anything else, and don’t just give yourself a halfhearted pat on the back for accomplishing this. Actually feel good about leaving the house.
A week later make your only criteria of success that you drive out to the club or wherever you plan to meet girls. You don’t even have to talk to girls. You just have to go.
Maybe the next week you make eye contact with girls, and the week after you say hi, and week after that you try to dance with one. Always rig the criteria to ensure your success, but each week continue to aim ever so slightly higher.
By introducing a habit in this extremely gradual manner it requires virtually no willpower, and even if you’ve got an extremely fragmented intent you should be able to make progress in this manner because it requires so little effort. If you’re intelligently going about the process you’ll also gradually build a more unified intent.
Building momentum is the most difficult part of any habit of success. Beginning a new diet is hard, but once you’ve been eating healthy for a few months it requires almost no effort. Same thing with writing, exercising, or socializing.
The reason I eat healthy, write, juggle, and lift weights every week is because I’ve seen with socializing how difficult it is to get back into something once you’ve lost your momentum.
Habits play such an important role in success because it requires a much more focused intent to initiate and build momentum with a habit than to maintain it. See this, and do everything you can to prevent yourself from losing momentum with your most important habits.
However, even if you do lose momentum with your success habits it’s not the end of the world. You’ll have made things more difficult on yourself, but everyone gets what they want, so if you’re able to focus your intent there’s no reason you can’t climb back to the top.
But hey, even if you’d rather not exert the effort needed to do so at least you’ll have gotten exactly what you wanted. 😉
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